What About Divorce?

Another marriage is shattered, Lord, the divorce will be final next week.

He said it was the breakdown of communication and the subtle infiltration of boredom.

She said it was an accumulation of things.

He said she was unnecessarily preoccupied with home, children and activities.

She said he stifled her dreams and ignored her achievements.

He said he felt in prison, restricted; that night-after-night he got the old pushaway.

She said he was harsh and brutal and often embarrassed her in public.

He said her critical attitude contributed to his sense of inadequacy.

She said she felt lonely and unappreciated with no claim to personal identity.

He said she wallowed in self-pity and refused to acknowledge her benefits.

She said he was shiftless and irresponsible.

He said she didn't understand.

She said he didn't care.

Lord, how tragic that through all the wasted years, neither of them asked what YOU'VE said.

by Ruth Harmes Calkins

What does God say about divorce? For I hate divorce, says the Lord, the God of Israel (Mal. 2:16). They are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate! Jesus says (Matt. 19:6). Pat Boone writes, "I don't know how you interpret these scriptures, reader, but I get the distinct impression that God, the Creator of heaven and earth, the One who gives you and me our very breath and to whom we each must answer for our lives and how we've lived them, does not have a permissive, hazy, conditional attitude toward divorce.

"I mean, when God thunders from heaven that He hates something, I think we ought to do our best to leave that thing alone! And when Jesus says, 'I put this one-flesh unit together, and you'd better leave it that way,' I believe any straight-thinking person who actually believes he's going to stand before Jesus before long ought to line up with Him on this and every other issue, and not be trying to find some way to weasel around Him. It won't work."

Pat Boone continues, "Is God's expressed will out of date, irrelevant, impossible to obey in our "modern" society? Does the church have to work out some accommodation between the stark commands of God Almighty and the complex, shifting mores of our day? NO! Brother, sister, you can try to rationalize if you want to, you can take your chances on convincing God He's out of touch with reality, you can try to make His Word say something it doesn't, or just ignore it and hope He'll forget about it--but I'm going with God."

Our commitment to our marriage vows is symbolic to our commitment to God. They tie in closely together. We are in great danger if we give up on God when things aren't going our way. God longs for us to remain committed to Him no matter how rough the road is. And He is endeavoring to teach us about commitment to Him by the symbol of our marriage commitment. In fact, making sure our commitment to our marriage vows is very strong is one of the best spiritual insurance policies we can invest in.

Is the obtaining of a divorce always wrong? I could not say that it is always wrong to obtain a divorce. But I do believe that it is always wrong to pursue a divorce. By pursuing a divorce, I am referring to the attitudes, choices and actions which lead to the breaking of the marriage vows, the weaking of the marriage commitment and the termination of the marital relaitonship.

The one who pursues divorce seldom seriously counts the cost, which is an exorbitant sum from any angle. Even from a non-Christian perspective, the high price tag has been recognized and exposed by a professional counselor, Diane Medvale, in her book, The Case Against Divorce. She list seven well thought out and clearly substantiated reasons why divorce is a bad idea. It is a book well worth reading.

From a Christian perspective, we have all those seven reasons plus some very big reasons that have to do with our purpose, goal and focus in life. A Christian is a person who is trusting God to save him and cooperating with God to change his heart from a selfish, rebellious heart to a loving, and obedient heart.

So what is the spirit of divorce going to do to the character of the person who pursues it?

A marriage is to be founded on God's love and an unconditional commitment of loyalty. Divorce is a turning away from love and a breaking of that commitment. To pursue divorce is to harden your heart against your spouse. That would involve allowing a variety of poisonous sins to come in to cone's heart in the place of love. To pursue a divorce, it is necessary to harbor an unforgiving spirit, anger, resentment, unkindness, insensitivity, lack of compassion and selfishness. When a Christian pursues a divorce he is defaming God's character by stating that God approves of this unloving, selfish, and cruel spirit which the whole world knows accompanies divorce. A divorce is a statement of selfishness and failure, of an unwillingness to forgive, to accept, to love.

So the person who is pursuing divorce would do well to diligently consider that they are doing to their witness and to their own character.In order to be at peace with God and yourself and to find true happiness, a person must have a heart full of love. A loving, accepting forgiving heart is invaluable. A selfish, angry unloving heart is a curse to the bearer. When a heart is lacking love, it is an evidence that that person is walking away from God, and away from His mercy. If a person continues in that direction long enough, soon they will have walked beyond the limit of God's mercy and their heart will be like stone, totally unresponsive to the life of God. The end result of walking away from God's love, forgiveness and mercy is eternal death. And that is the highest price anyone could ever pay for divorce.

Jesus warns us that if we are angry at our spouse or call him a fool, we are in danger of hell fire. Why? Because we are turning away from love. We are told that it is impossible to love God and hate our spouse at the same time. The way we treat our spouse is the way we are treating Jesus. God cannot accept our praise if we are speaking evil things about our spouse. The measure we forgive our spouse is the measure we are forgiven.

Choosing divorce is incongruent with Christianity because it is impossible to divorce your spouse if you are loving, kind, forgiving, compassionate. Divorce is a deception because Satan covers the price tag and the divorcer believes he is getting a bargain. But if the divorcing person would stop long enough to talk a close look at the condition of their heart. They would be appalled to discover what a price their course is costing. It takes an incredible degree of spiritual blindness to pursue a divorce when the stakes are so high.

We have little control as to the level of commitment in our spouses, and how they choose to treat us, but we have everything to do with our commitment and our treatment of our spouses. We can choose to keep our vows and learn how nurture a loving, forgiving and compassionate heart. God's solution is better than divorce.

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